I am a liar!
I said in “Birth” that I don’t want to be in love. That is a lie! I DO want to be in love. But more than that, I want to be loved in return.
It has been almost four years since my ex walked out on me. As he drove away in that big yellow Penske moving van I stood in the middle of the street of our upscale Glendale, Arizona neighborhood screaming and crying and begging (yes begging) for him not to go. As it turns out, he did me a tremendous favor. For nearly 12 years he had abused me in every speakable, and unspeakable, way possible. It took his being absent from my life for me to realize just how much turmoil he had brought to it. Without him, I was able to find peace.
One would think after 12 years of being terrorized like that I would be completely jaded. I’m not. I love, love. I love the idea of being in love. I love men! I love touching and holding. I love being touched and being held. I love having someone to cuddle with on the sofa. I love having someone to talk to, to share my hopes and dreams with. The greatest discovery I have made during the four-years since my marriage ended, is that I don’t “need” to be married, and I don’t “need” to have someone in my life. I am capable of surviving on my own. Now, I want to have someone in my life. There is a big difference between wanting and needing.
– J. Ela