There’s a new app for Facebook, Bang With Friends. Maybe you’ve heard of it. I had not. Until today. Geoff apprised of the new offering on Facebook. Perhaps, in the hopes that it would take some of the heat off of him? Maybe, in anticipation that I would take a hint and find another friend to want to BANG! I was even forced, yes, forced, to endure a segment on Bang With Friends from the Colbert Report. Complete with utterly demoralizing graphics of a woman being “banged” from behind! Every womans favorite position. Why are men so dumb?!
Anyway, I digress. No risk of Geoff and I hooking up via Bang With Friends. He isn’t even on Facebook. I know! How weird is that? Geoff despises social media. I think he shys away from Facebook because he has probably had one too many “bangs” in his past, broken a lot of hearts, not returned many phone calls, and enjoyed plenty of one-night stands. I don’t know any of this for certain. It’s just a guess.
Regardless, I will not be signing up to bang with any of my friends. Other than Geoff, I can’t think of any of my friends I’m willing to fuck! Come to think of it, why didn’t they just call the app, Fuck Your Friends! There was a guy, a friend, a classmate, actually, who in the past, I probably would’ve all to happily banged. We went to school together from kindergarten through 12th grade. I fell in love with him in second grade. He teased me. He was mean. He played with my emotions. Once, he tried to fuck me in the back seat of my car. I was 16. I said NO! Then, soon after I got married he sent me a letter, yes, an actual letter, telling me what a mistake he had made, not realizing sooner how great I was. WHATEVER! It was a great stroke to my ego. It made me mad though. It still makes me mad. He’s ugly now. He did not age well. It took me a long time to realize what a punk he was. We are “friends” on Facebook, and I use the term loosely. I’m friends with a lot of my classmates. Most of them, including him, I haven’t seen since a year or so after we graduated.
So, in closing… Instead of BWF, I think I’ll stick to FWB.
– J. Ela