The road to hell is paved with good intentions…. and I am on the expressway!
Have you ever tried to do the right thing, only to have it come back and bite you in the ass? Have you ever had that happen over and over and over again? Isn’t doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome the definition of insanity? So, I am either a glutton for punishment, or insane.
In either case I am deeply frustrated right now. I find myself asking “why me?” an awful lot?
We, as humans, we tend to subscribe to one of two schools of thought; our destiny is pre-ordained and there is no such thing as fate, or life doesn’t just simply happen and we have to make our own destiny. I suppose it’s possible to believe in both.
I guess, I believe in both. Believing that we our responsibly for making our own destiny is what lead me to return to college at the age of @* to finish my bachelors degree. I was sitting there one day at my very mundane job, looking around at the cube-farm full of very mundane people, many who had been there for decades, and it occurred to me; I do not want this to be me in 20 or 30 years. I want to do something that is going to make a difference in the world. I want to be part of something great. And I knew that opportunity would not be afforded me without a college education. So I got a course catalog from the college, closed my eyes, and pointed. My finger landed on broadcast journalism. Was it fate? Was it my destiny? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve made a lot of decisions between that day and this one that I thought were for the so-called “greater good.” Those choices are coming back to haunt me. Over and over and over again. And every time they do I can’t help but think; where would I be if I had just stayed in my little cube at my mundane job? Would I be happier? Would I be less miserable? I will never know. And I can’t spend the rest of my life in regret. But I sure as hell am frustrated. Is this the payoff for all my hard work?
– J. Ela