Mistaken For A Fool

Well, this sucks. I’m livid with Geoff. Have been for weeks. Over a minor infraction. Oh, who am I kidding. It’s a biggie. Liar! I’m not even sure he’s aware he did it. I’ve been holding off on posting anything about it. I was all set to hash it out tonight. Now. I’m not sure I want to stir the pot.

This event I speak of happened so many weeks ago, I don’t even remember when it was. I didn’t write about it then because I was too angry. I mean, really angry. But, it also helped me to put my relationship with Geoff in clear perspective. And by relationship, I mean friendship. And by friendship, I mean, we have to work together for the foreseeable future, and it’s in both our best interest to maintain a certain level of nice. Being “nice” is a characteristic Geoff has down to a tee. Me, not so much. I tend to say exactly what I think, when I think it. No filter. Asset or liability?

In any case, as I said before, I’m seeing Geoff in a whole new light now. And this little escapade helped seal the deal on that.

In the beginning… here.. and again here Geoff was pretty clear that nothing would ever happen between us because, and I’m quoting here, “I’m in a relationship.” Whatever, right. There could be a hundred different reasons why nothing would ever happen between us. I can think of about 12 right off the top of my head.

– I’m too old.
– Your too young.
– My personal favorite, OH, I’m still married! (minor technicality)
– The thought of fucking you makes me physically ill.
(okay, that wasn’t 12, but you get the point)

But don’t lie. Don’t tell me the reason is because you’re “in a relationship.” Don’t give me any reason at all. But especially don’t lie about it.

lips-sealed-tape

The thing about lies, is it’s hard to keep up with the lies you tell, and to whom you’ve told them. Eventually the lie will catch up to you. Seldom is life so kind as to return bad karma while you’re around to see it. But, that’s what happened. Geoff and I were in the booth, getting ready for the news. Talking, as we usually do, about sex. When Geoff very casually brings up that he has “only” had sex with two people “here” in the past year, and neither one of them were actually from “here.” Well, I find that extremely interesting. Being that Geoff, the liar, has been in his current, (now defunked from what I gather), relationship for more than four years. Which means, he is not, NOT, having sex with other people because he’s “in a relationship.” He is in fact, having sex with other people.

**I’m pretty sure he’s hooked up with someone from work. Why he doesn’t just tell me I’ll never know. To spare my fragile little feelings I suppose. But lying is okay? Whatever!

Sirens are going off. Red lights are flashing. I’m realizing, Geoff is not the person I thought he was. No, scratch that. Geoff is not the person I wanted him to be. Saint Geoff. Come to save me. Please! Geoff is just like everyone else. Deeply flawed. Scratching about, trying to stay above the fray.

If we’re going to be friends, then let’s be friends. But don’t be a liar. Don’t mistake me for a fool. I have more relationship experience in my little finger, than you have ever known. I’m not perfect. Hell, I don’t even want to be. There is far too much pressure in being perfect. But, I do care deeply for the people in my life. There aren’t many. I am very selective about who I let in. I let you in. And you lied to me.

The truth of the matter is, Geoff has secured a special place in my heart. He broke through a boundary that I was almost certain was unbreakable. He brought to the surface feelings I was sure were dead and never to be resurrected. Yes, it was foolish to think it would ever amount to anything. I declared a truce. And I thought a deeper friendship had been born. Why lie?
– J. Ela

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