In general, and in the past, I have given away my trust too freely, perhaps. Now, robbed of all identity and self-worth, I trust, almost, no one.
The ones I want to trust, and have trusted, are, or end up being unavailable at best, narcissistic at worst. It’s a case of, everything can and will be held against you! Except of course, those things which you want to be held against you! (sigh)
My beloved cut his hair. I thought for CERTAIN that would be the end of any and all remaining embers left for him. Proving, indeed, it was only a physical attraction! I mean, what else could it possibly be? (See blog posts 1 through 44) I was wrong! Bleh! I hate being wrong! It turns out he could look like the bell ringer of Notre Dame, and I wouldn’t care. Not to say he does look like Quasimodo… He definitely does not! But I thought for sure I was just being shallow and attracted to “the look” and the attitude personified by it. Nope! I still adore him! Again, bleh!
There is hope, though! I had a job interview today. Only a phone interview. Nothing to blog about. Yet, here I am, blogging about it. It’s the first of what I hope will be many interviews! It’s all part of my escape plan! To get as far away from HERE and certain people, ASAP! I’ve executed a four-month exit strategy. I need a fresh start somewhere new!
Oh sure, a girl can still dream. But I’ve learned to trust no one! Not even myself!
– J. Ela