***warning: this post contains bad words! lots of them!
At the risk of sounding like a bitch.. or this post coming across as “self-deprecating” (self-deficating
might be a better choice right now…. self-shitty? shitting myself? whatever)…. you get the point…. I’m just going to come right out and say it… FUCK MY LIFE!
I am furious! No! Beyond furious. What is beyond furious? I don’t even know. But I’m beyond it. Whatever it is. Why does it seem like success comes so easy for some people, but for me? I’m working my fucking ass off every fucking day, giving 110%.. and for what? To get fucked up the asshole?
Other people I know are having babies, getting married, buying houses and new cars, getting great new jobs, meeting great guys, going on fabulous vacations…. what? They don’t work any harder than I do? Do they? Meanwhile, I’m trapped in this god-forsaken job, scraping by, praying to God (hey, by the way, where were you today?) that my car doesn’t run out of gas before payday, wondering how I’m going to pay off $50k in student loan, pay for my kids textbooks next semester, oh and that class trip to the amusement park that’s coming up next week! What the fuck? Am I ever going to catch a break?
Twice I’ve applied for a transfer. Twice I’ve been rejected. REJECTED!!!! The first time it “wasn’t the best time” and this time they decided to go with “a local” candidate. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit! During my interview, this go-around, I discover my HR department has passed along that last year I had “attendence” issues. Well, fuck me! Did HR also pass along that MY MOTHER WAS DYING!!! Did they also pass along that I’m so fucking loyal and committed to this place that I worked the day before my mother died and the day after she died! How fucking sick and pathetic is that? Who fucking does that? Me! That’s who? And for what? To get fucked up the asshole when I want to move up in the company! OMG, I’m livid! LIVID! I guess that’s what comes after furious!
No amount of wine and xanax is going to take the hurt from this away. I give and I give and oh ya, I give some more! For what?
– J Ela