My heart is pounding. My mind is racing. But I cannot make my body get up and move. What is wrong with me? Just sitting here I can think of a dozen things I need to do. No. Things I want to do. My brain won’t stop. Do this. Do that. Oh, and then that. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. But I can’t move either. What in the hell is wrong with me? Maybe it’s this unrelenting heat. I don’t think it is. Because it seems like this feeling has been creeping up for days, reaching a fever-pitch today. I feel like the walls of my apartment are closing in on me. Like a gaping hole is going to open up underneath me, swallowing me whole. Like I can feel it coming, but I can’t move to get away from it. Suffocated even. Unable to breath. Wandering from room to room. Trying to find my motivation. What is my motivation? What is anyone’s motivation? Just get up and do it because it needs to be done. My brain tells me, go. My body says, no. Lethargy has set in. I am stuck. I cannot move forward.
– J. Ela