A Love Seizure

Thought this was hilarious! Can totally relate!
– J. Ela

Psycho Thoughts Girls Have When A Guy Does Not Respond To A Text Message For Days
AUG. 8, 2013 By CARRIE WITTMER

Girls are crazy, but it’s your fault. We’re usually level-headed attractive human people with beautiful faces and beautiful bodies. But if we like you and things are going great — maybe you held our hand in public or bought us a cheeseburger — and we send you a text message that you do not respond to promptly or at all, we turn into psychopaths. On a scale of the Unabomber to Charles Manson, we’re Amanda Bynes. We’re like hyenas having a love seizure. We go home and we cry and sit in the candlelit bathtub for hours wondering what is wrong with us. Then we listen to Fiona Apple in the fetal position. Nobody loves me! Am I better off dead or alone? Yes, it’s dramatic. But in our defense, man-children usually time their ignorance with our time of the month. And there’s nothing either of us can do about it unless we make a calendar for you. But you would probably ignore that, too.

That was the stupidest sentence I ever wrote and now he never wants to see me or talk to me or kiss me or buy me dinner ever again.

The text didn’t go through!! Time to text some of my friends to make sure they’re getting my texts.

He’s probably reading the text to all of his friends and telling them that I’m crazy like they did on Entourage.

I never should have liked his Facebook status and retweeted him and texted him in the same day.

Maybe he’s just trying to be a douche like Robin Thicke.

He thinks I talk about McDonald’s too much.

I am not in love with him, I swear. I just want to eat cheeseburgers.

He thinks I talk about food too much.

He hated the way I did my eyeliner last time, it wasn’t even on both eyes.

He’s just busy he’s busy he’s such a busy person because he has a real job and real friends real dreams and aspirations and me too but he is so busy. So busy.

The text didn’t go through! His is the only phone that can’t get my texts right now. He probably has AT&T. I’m pretty sure he has AT&T.

He met someone else and she’s probably his girlfriend now.

Why would he like three of my Instagrams but not text me back what is he doing what is he trying to say when he likes my Instagrams.

Did he die? I hope he didn’t die.

Maybe he is in the hospital because he fell off of a ferris wheel and he is in a coma now and he can’t text me about it because he’s in a coma?

His charger broke and since he’s broke he can’t afford a new one, and he doesn’t have an iPhone so it’s hard to find a buddy with a charger to bum.

Is it OK to text him twice in row? Maybe he gets so many texts because he’s so busy and has so many friends because he’s so great that he missed one of my texts.

He probably noticed the streak in my self-tanner so he hates me now. I need to switch back to Jergens Natural Glow.

He’s gay now. He just realized that he’s gay, that’s adorable.

He probably didn’t pay his bill. He missed his phone bill so he literally has no service. That’s so sad and kind of cute.

He definitely has AT&T.

Maybe he’s just busy.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/psycho-thoughts-girls-have-when-a-guy-does-not-respond-to-a-text-message-for-days/

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