Sex and Football

Sex and football. Easily on a guys list of top ten favorite things. Right up there with pizza and beer. And since we are right in the thick of football season, I thought, what better time to use the sport to describe how men and women see sex differently.

For men, sex is basically, wham, bam, thank-you-mam. It’s over before the end of the first quarter. Women, on the other hand, we need ALL four quarters AND a really outstanding half-time performance.

Go Long!

Go Long!

Allow me to explain.


The players take the field. Boom. Erection. The coin toss. You’re half-way there. You’re team scores a touchdown 90 seconds in… your done. Fake a pulled hamstring. You’re being hauled off on one of those little golf carts to the locker room to enjoy a nice warm bath.


We get excited when the players take the field. And touchdowns, they definitely excite us. But we need a touchdown in every quarter. I mean, we need you to keep running, and passing, holding the line. (that is a football term, right?) We want our team going strong right through the second quarter. And then. Half-time. We’re talking, the Super Bowl of half-time performances! Give us a little Robin Thicke. Maybe some Justin Timberlake. Really get our juices flowing. Then, come back for a strong third quarter. And then.. just when you think you’ve played your last… rally around for a great fourth quarter. Play like your life depends on it. Like the championship is on the line. And as the clock ticks down… minutes left in the game… you keep going hard! The score is tied. Your down to the last fifteen seconds. Ten. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Touchdown! No.. not even then are you done. We need you to take it all the way to locker room. And later. When Joe Flacco is at the bar having a beer with his teammates, then the game is actually over.

Get it?


Ladies, your welcome.

Now, are you ready for some football? 😉

– J. Ela


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