Several months ago G- was going through some stuff. I’ve reluctantly agreed not to write about the who, what, when, where, and why… Suffice it to say, it was some pretty heavy shit! On the phone with me one night, pouring over the details, he says to me, and I’m paraphrasing, because I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of, “I wish more of my friends were like you…” To which I abruptly replied, “I’m sorry I’m not enough for you!” It really upset me. G- knew, and apologized right away.
But he did it again! We’re enjoying a great conversation. He’s being funny. I’m laughing, as usual.. to which he interjects, “I wish more of my friends thought I was as funny as you do.” I let it slide. No need to ruin a perfectly wonderful conversation! But it upset me! Greatly! Again, I’m sorry I’m not enough!
G- said to me recently… And I am quoting now… “Making you happy is one of my daily joys.” Little does he know, or perhaps he does, knowing that someone, anyone, cares anything about my happiness, other than me… brings me joy! I’ve told G- god knows how many times that no one, not him, not anyone, is responsible for my happiness! And I truly mean it. But to know there is someone in your life who cares about your happiness… Joy! Unbridled joy! That is enough! What if I had responded, “oh that’s nice, I wish someone else felt that way.” I didn’t… I wouldn’t.
You make me laugh… You bring me joy… You make me happy… And yes… That is enough!
– J. Ela