Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Cheating husband. Deceitful girlfriend.
In the interest of full disclosure, I realize, I should reveal what’s behind this horrible depression. The blame, is squarely on me. I think. I heard some things about G-. Things that, given my already distrustful nature, sent me, well, spiraling. It sucks, not trusting people. Especially someone you call friend. Someone you’ve spent a year getting to know and love. But, I digress. Again. So, I heard some things. And it was like an “ah-ha” moment. Not so much an “ah-ha” I got you. But an “ah-ha” I can’t continue to live like this. And by “like this” I mean, not trusting someone. I can’t say whether or not G- has given me reason to distrust him or not. He DID hide and lie about his relation with someone. And that set a pretty bad precedent. Not that I was owed an explanation. But still, it set the tone. So, I decided it was time to bail. Let me repeat that. I decided. Am I better off? I can’t say. I don’t feel better off. I feel miserable. Why did this relationship end? Because I don’t trust. Why don’t I trust? Because of something someone else did? That’s about 99.9% true. That doesn’t seem fair. Then again, if it was something worth fighting for, someone would.. fight for it. I’m tired. Tired of fighting. Fighting for my life. For survival. Fighting to stay alive. I ALWAYS thought G- would be the one to “let me go.” Ya know. Not need me anymore. Forget about me. Basically, be done with me. That he must look forward to the day when he could wash his hands of me. I wonder if I have given him a gift. Done him a tremendous favor. Like the bird in the cage, who wants to be set free? But he’s just too nice to fly away?
Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Even stupid ones.
– J. Ela