Anonymity

Blogging = good

Wine = good

Blogging + wine = great

Wine + friends = great

Blogging + wine + friends = not-so-great!

I love the anonymity of my blog. I’m not blogging to become famous. To amass a following. I blog because it’s a great outlet. I don’t live my life in the shadows. I don’t have skeletons in my closet waiting to jump out at in moment. I’m not lurking about doing or plotting evil. But, I do enjoy the anonymity of being Ela. Mind you, while I’m not living my life in the shadows, I’m not exactly living it out loud either! I guess I’m a book that’s about half-way open. I generally say what I’m thinking and don’t tend to hide my emotions. With that being said, I have poured a lot of thinking and emotions into “Ela” over the past ten months or so. Thoughts and emotions that I really would not want to share on a day to day to basis with my friends, family, and co-workers.  Several months back I did let slip (after consuming too much alcohol) that my alter-ego existed on the web. Moving forward under the assumption that anyone in earshot had also consumed too much alcohol I didn’t worry about it too much. A few months back G- apprised me that certain people did, in fact, know about the blog.  That news took the wind right out of my sail, a little. Then, about a month ago, a former colleague approached me, asking if such a blog existed? That was a fatal blow to “Ela.” I can see, looking back over the past month, that the real Ela (well, as real as an anonymous blogger can be) has taken a back seat to something akin to a post on Facebook or Twitter. Something safe. A far cry from the “fuck you” posts of Ela‘s earlier days. I love Ela. I love what I have built and continue to build here. I love having this outlet for everything that’s stuck in my head. For me, blogging is almost like having a conversation with myself. Writing it all down is a way to work stuff out that would otherwise just keep churning around in my head, keeping me up at night. On the other hand, I hate the thought that people I know could be reading this and judging me… poor pitiful Ela! I miss the anonymity!

bag over head

– J. Ela

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