not MY daughter!

You know those things that only happen in the movies? Or to “other” people’s kids? It turns out, I’m “other” people. Two days ago I found out that my beautiful teenage daughter has been “cutting” herself!

I’m beside myself in grief! Thinking that my K-, who always seemed so “together” was NOT! Her best friend outed her. And it seems it may have been going on for years! YEARS!!! The only thing I know for sure is it happened during Christmas break while she was visiting her dad.

I have cried buckets of tears over this. I don’t know what to do. I’m going back and forth from blaming myself.. blaming her dad.. blaming HER! Since being confronted with this new found information she has flat out shut down. Will not talk about it. PERIOD! I’m calling about counseling first thing Monday morning!

I’m so mad.  I want to shake her and scream at her and ask her how she could be so stupid! I want to hold her and cry with her and tell her how much I love her and beg her never to do it again. And yet, I’m frozen! I can’t do anything!

How is it that when I am just now getting my footing and finding my happiness, my teenager can be so utterly miserable she is brought to self-harm!

She said to me yesterday, “Now you’re the one with the crazy daughter!” As if it’s a point of pride?! And yet begged me not to tell her grandfather. Which would indeed point to shame and guilt on her part.

I am quite unclear about how to move forward from this. I feel as though the rug was literally pulled out from underneath me. I’ve had the wind knocked out of me. And every other pathetic cliche!

We all have our battles. I know this.

know when the battle is worth fighting....

know when the battle is worth fighting….

– J. Ela


6 thoughts on “not MY daughter!

  1. Unfortunately I know exactly what you are talking about except this is surely not my son. Twice now he has done things that have really upset and disappointed me (both blogged about – one only yesterday!).

    But all we can do is our best with our children, teach them right from wrong, love them, listen to them and be there if they choose to confide in us. After that it is up to genetics and choices that they make. And we can be there again to pick them up from the mess they create if they make choices with serious consequences.

    I don’t know how else to deal with it. Particularly with a 13 year old boy that would rather die than go and talk to a counsellor.

    I have to use the slogans picked up in 12 step groups (that I went to because of my sex addicted ex husband) and know that ‘this too shall pass’ and ‘let go and let God’ because in the end we can’t control our children like we can’t control anyone else.

    Hope this makes sense. But know I feel for you pain.

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