Tomorrow is my first employee review since transferring to my new job just over six months ago. I’m facing it with equal parts dread and anticipation. I’m going to be double teamed, and not in a good way. But at least I was warned. The person who hired me and was my boss for the first several months will be there. But I understand the bulk of my review will be done by my new boss who has been around the last couple of months. I started out having strong feelings for both, swinging in the positive direction. The pendulum took a slight turn backwards, as pendulums often do. And now, I am reserving judgement for later. Oh, that’s a lie. I’m judging them. Just not too openly. I mean, I still have to get through this review. I expect it will be mediocre, at best. I mean, it can’t be that stellar. I was just, after all, passed over for count them, not one, not two, but three possible promotions. I’m still trying to figure out how to feel about that. The only clear that keeps going through my mind at this point: be better not bitter, be better not bitter.
As I see it, the problem I’m facing most, is a problem that is probably squarely my own. And that is breaking the ice. Yes, even still, after six months, I find I’m just beginning to crack the ice around a few people. What I need is some help. Not one of those pansy little ice picks.. I need one of these…..
Now that’s an ice breaker! And that’s what I need… something to come along and stir shit up a little bit. I still feel very much like a guest here. Yes, even after this many months, I still feel like, I don’t belong. Which is funny, not in a “haha” sort of way, but in an ironic sort of way, because I never felt like I belonged at my last place either. There I always thought I was “too good” and wasting my good talents away on people who didn’t appreciate them, or me. Here, I feel like I’m good enough, and talented enough, but no one here seems to appreciate that.. or to appreciate just how hard I had to work to get here. Maybe the common denominator in all of this is me. Maybe, it’s not everyone else. Sounds like a post for another day.. because this girl’s got to get to bed and get ready for my exciting review tomorrow. You’ll know how well it went. You’ll either see me back here, blogging away… or read about me in the news! ha ha.. jk
– J. Ela