Great stuff from Melanie Tonia Evans @ NARP.
The Dark Side of the Coin
Narcissists are amoral – they do pathological things in order to secure narcissistic supply (attention and energy). According to the narcissist – the means justifies the end result.
Narcissists don’t care that they lack integrity and if caught out, his or her emotional injury is really about losing significance, not having the upper hand, or not being able to have an agenda fulfilled.
Narcissists already know they are bad. At a deep inner level there is intense self-loathing and self-rejection. If an individual essentially believes they are a bad person, that’s exactly how they will behave, and then the trick is to try to hide that from the world – so as not to be punished, rejected or abandoned because of being defective and unlovable whilst trying to get needs met.
Of course that strategy was always going to be self-defeating – because you can never hide Who You Really Are (which is ACTUALLY how much you do or don’t love and accept yourself)…it has to eventually come out.
Truth is like gravity – it’s a force of the Universe which is absolute – it can just take a little longer to become visible.
This is the narcissistic formula – “I am not acceptable as being me – I’m bad, and my life doesn’t work being me – therefore I need to be someone else.”
This malignant ‘killing off’ of the narcissist’s inner being and placing a fictitious character in its place, created an even more distorted and twisted life view – of not only ‘self’ but of ‘others’ as well.
At this point it’s important to understand the infinite connection of Oneness we all participate in.
What I mean by that is: ‘How we see and treat ourself is how we see and treat others and how others see and treat us’.
See how interconnected it all is?
Neale Donald Walsh puts it like this: “There is only ONE person in the room.”
Essentially what this means for the narcissist is – his or her intense self-loathing and self-rejection extends not only to him or herself but to everyone else also.
Especially when ‘that’ person can’t rescue the narcissist from the agony of his or her own self-loathing and self-rejection.
Sadly the narcissist doesn’t realise or accept that only he or she can…
You need to understand this – The narcissist can’t create any real relationship with his or her False Self – because it’s NOT real. The only relationship the narcissist could ever have with him or herself is with the true inner being – and that’s been killed off and replaced.
Frightful but true…now you can understand why the narcissist chases energy from outside him or herself so desperately.
Because the narcissist does not have a healthy relationship with ‘self’ (there is no ‘self’ to have a relationship with), there is no ability to trust anyone else either. For this reason narcissists feel terribly vulnerable and controlled by others when forced to operate like a decent / honest person. The narcissist feels it makes him or her inferior, ‘like everyone else’, and causes him or her to lose superiority and a vital upper hand.
The narcissistic motto is “If I operate within decency, you will destroy me”.
Therefore to summarise – on the narcissistic ‘dark-side’ of the coin, we have the character defect of purposeful pathological behaviour in order to get needs met – without remorse or conscience.
You can read the entire blog post here: