You’re the most important part…

“You’re part of me, the most important part, and it’s being left behind. I will never be the person I was.”
“You’re a prisoner of your past, and so am I. If I loved you in one life, I will continue to love you forever! I have no heart, no body, no soul, nothing! All I have is love.” – Hilal to Paulo in ALEPH


If you knew the last time you saw someone or spoke to someone it would be the last time… what would you do? what would you say? Would you hold them in your arms just one second longer? Would you stare a minute longer at their face  so you could never, ever forget what they look like. Would you gaze deep into their eyes so your soul could speak to their soul. Would you say “I love you” and “you’re important” and “I’m so glad you’re in my life.”

In 2009, my best friend Jo, left me a voice mail on March 10th. We spoke later that same day. She died suddenly, unexpectedly, on March 13th. After receiving the news of her death I went back to my voice mail to retrieve her message. I just wanted to hear her voice one more time. Sadly, the voice mail had been erased. For a time, I would call her cell phone, just to hear her voice. The number, disconnected now. I am unable to remove it from my address book.

When my mother was sick and dying she lost her ability to speak. For the last two years of her life she could communicate only in writing. In the months leading up to her death she lost even the ability to write. All I wanted was to hear my mother’s voice again. To talk to her. I would sit by her bed and tell her about things going on in my life. Imagining the words coming out of her mouth, the things she might say to me if only she could.

My daughter tells me now, “Mom, I have forgotten what grandma’s voice sounded like.” I know how she feels. I am delighted when my mom or Jo visits me in my dreams. Because it means I get to talk to them again. To hear their voices. To look upon their faces. I cherish those dreams. I hope they know how dearly they are missed. How important they were. More still, I hope those that I love that are still among the living, know how important they are. They are the most important part of me.

– J. Ela


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